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Przekrój
A poem written in the style of the famous English playwright and poet William Shakespeare.
2022-03-08 09:00:00

*William Shakespeare
New Verse by Once-Famous Poets

*William Shakespeare
Read in 2 minutes

“Remote Lesson”

TEACHER

Children, I sent materials to you
On Henry IV. Would someone please recount
The valiant deeds of this time-honoured king?
No one hath read it? What say ye?

ROSALINE

                                                              Pray ma’am,
Thou art muted.

TEACHER

(trying to unmute herself)

                                Ah fie, the devilry!
Do ye hear me? Raise your hands presently.

(no one raises their hands)

And now?

VALENTINE

                       Ay, we hear thee.

TEACHER

                                                   Valentine, pray
Show thy visage to us. What is this sight
Most foul?

VALENTINE

                      Koffing.

TEACHER

                                  Speak thee of the plague that
Hast ravished these lands?

JULIET

                                                  Nay, the Pokémon.

TEACHER

And yet his sight doth take mine own breath hence.
I told you, children, here I would see you,
Not those damn’d avatars.

VALENTINE

(shows himself in the camera)

                                                 I’m here.

TEACHER

                                                               Thank thee.
So back to Henry IV – pray, Helena,
We chat not during class!

HELENA

                                               I’m taking notes.

TITUS

Ouch! Thee wretch, more wretch’d than wretchedness.
 

TEACHER

What say thee now?

TITUS

                                      A paper ball he threw
At me!

TEACHER

                 Who?

TITUS

                           My brother, whom every day
To call brother even infects my mouth.

TITUS’S BROTHER

(invisible in the camera)

Mother! Titus is beating me!

TITUS’S MOTHER

(invisible in the camera)

                                                  Titus!
Stop beating thine brother!

TITUS

                                                 He started it!

TEACHER

Titus, mute thyself when you speak to her
When ye’ve talked turn the sound back on. Titus?

ROSALINE

Pray ma’am, thou art muted.

This play is part of the series “New Verse by Once-Famous Poets” and is not authentic verse by William Shakespeare.

 

Translated from the Polish by Adam Zdrodowski
Additional assistance from Richard Greenhill

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Published:

Grzegorz Uzdański

Grzegorz Uzdański

was born in 1979. He taught Philosophy and Ethics at the Raszyńska secondary school in Warsaw, and is the author of the website “Nowe wiersze sławnych poetów” [New Poetry from Famous Poets] and of the novel “Wakacje” [Holiday]. He sings and writes lyrics for the band Ryby. He has also written lyrics for the bands EXTRA and Jerz Igor. He performs in the theatre improv group Dobrze and in the comedy trio Wszystko Będzie Dobrze [Everything’s Gonna Be Alright]. He lives in Warsaw.