Jigsaw puzzle by Nina Torr
Buy online
*William Shakespeare
i
The Geography Lesson or "The Black Spot", Albert Bettannier, 1887/Wikimedia Commons (public domain)
Variety

*William Shakespeare

New Verse by Once-Famous Poets
Grzegorz Uzdański
Reading
time 2 minutes
Grzegorz Uzdański:
was born in 1979. He taught Philosophy and Ethics at the Raszyńska secondary school in Warsaw, and is the author of the website “Nowe wiersze sławnych poetów” [New Poetry from Famous Poets] and of the novel “Wakacje” [Holiday]. He sings and writes lyrics for the band Ryby. He has also written lyrics for the bands EXTRA and Jerz Igor. He performs in the theatre improv group Dobrze and in the comedy trio Wszystko Będzie Dobrze [Everything’s Gonna Be Alright]. He lives in Warsaw.

“Remote Lesson”

TEACHER

Children, I sent materials to you
On Henry IV. Would someone please recount
The valiant deeds of this time-honoured king?
No one hath read it? What say ye?

ROSALINE

                                                              Pray ma’am,

Information

Breaking news! This is the first of your five free articles this month. You can get unlimited access to all our articles and audio content with our digital subscription.

Subscribe

Thou art muted.

TEACHER

(trying to unmute herself)

                                Ah fie, the devilry!
Do ye hear me? Raise your hands presently.

(no one raises their hands)

And now?

VALENTINE

                       Ay, we hear thee.

TEACHER

                                                   Valentine, pray
Show thy visage to us. What is this sight
Most foul?

VALENTINE

                      Koffing.

TEACHER

                                  Speak thee of the plague that
Hast ravished these lands?

JULIET

                                                  Nay, the Pokémon.

TEACHER

And yet his sight doth take mine own breath hence.
I told you, children, here I would see you,
Not those damn’d avatars.

VALENTINE

(shows himself in the camera)

                                                 I’m here.

TEACHER

                                                               Thank thee.
So back to Henry IV – pray, Helena,
We chat not during class!

HELENA

                                               I’m taking notes.

TITUS

Ouch! Thee wretch, more wretch’d than wretchedness.  

TEACHER

What say thee now?

TITUS

                                      A paper ball he threw
At me!

TEACHER

                 Who?

TITUS

                           My brother, whom every day
To call brother even infects my mouth.

TITUS’S BROTHER

(invisible in the camera)

Mother! Titus is beating me!

TITUS’S MOTHER

(invisible in the camera)

                                                  Titus!
Stop beating thine brother!

TITUS

                                                 He started it!

TEACHER

Titus, mute thyself when you speak to her
When ye’ve talked turn the sound back on. Titus?

ROSALINE

Pray ma’am, thou art muted.

This play is part of the series “New Verse by Once-Famous Poets” and is not authentic verse by William Shakespeare.

Grzegorz Uzdański:
was born in 1979. He taught Philosophy and Ethics at the Raszyńska secondary school in Warsaw, and is the author of the website “Nowe wiersze sławnych poetów” [New Poetry from Famous Poets] and of the novel “Wakacje” [Holiday]. He sings and writes lyrics for the band Ryby. He has also written lyrics for the bands EXTRA and Jerz Igor. He performs in the theatre improv group Dobrze and in the comedy trio Wszystko Będzie Dobrze [Everything’s Gonna Be Alright]. He lives in Warsaw.
Translation: Adam Zdrodowski, Richard Greenhill
Publish date: 08.03.2022

Read similar:

*Anna Akhmatova
Humor + Variety
Variety

*Anna Akhmatova

A poem written in the style of the famous Russian poet Anna Akhmatova.
Grzegorz Uzdański
*Jorge Luis Borges
Humor + Variety
Variety

*Jorge Luis Borges

A poem written in the style of the famous Argentine writer (and poet) Jorge Luis Borges.
Grzegorz Uzdański
Love Poem
Art + Stories
Experiences

Love Poem

Jacek Szafranowicz
he handed me a revised version
of my love poem
asking with surprise
what the word katyush was doing
in a love poem

I responded with surprise
that I didn’t understand
the question
he asked with a smile
what I meant to imply
by the word
katyush

I responded with a smile
that it’s like
a drop of fire
derived from the melting
of plastic

Could it be—he asked with a smile—
that a typo slipped in
since for instance
katyusha
is a Soviet rocket launcher
also known as
the Organs of Stalin

I answered with a smile—
no way

what a strange situation, I thought

how in a poem
of love
between the description of you
and my declaration
the word katyush appeared

did that love
have anything in common
with war or collapse
or devastation

walking back
I thought quite long about the word
but I couldn’t find any
other
to replace it

I walked a long while

I remembered the way

but everything in that poem
made sense after all



Author’s commentary:
Gdańsk, back in 2006. It was winter and cold as hell. From the shitty neighborhood Dolny Wrzeszcz, I arrived in the Old Town and pretty soon I was walking down the steps to one of the underground restaurants they have over there.

I felt awkward. I wasn’t a peasant, but I had never met anyone in a restaurant to talk about poetry either. However, a well-known poet—Antoni Pawlak—had invited me for drinks. That didn’t feel normal, either. I mean, once before he’d invited me to his house to talk over a bottle of whisky. That sounded nice, and I accepted. At the end of that meeting, he decided that my poetry should be seen. And so, I published my first group of poems in Migotania, Przejasnienia (Flickering, brightening).

Back to the restaurant. It was still that wonderful period when you were able to smoke inside, so we greeted each other, sat down, and lit up. Antoni began to look through the poems I had sent him earlier by email. The waiter brought us whiskey and beer. I was feeling confident—a young punk like me, I had a publication to my credit!

Antoni looked through the new work and at one point he paused. “It’s a great piece about love but are you sure there isn’t a typo with that katyush?” he asked.

And I replied, “No.”
Continue reading Read less

Also read:

*Rainer Maria Rilke
i
“The Cat’s Lunch”, Marguerite Gérard, 18th/19th century
Variety

*Rainer Maria Rilke

New Verse by Once-Famous Poets
Grzegorz Uzdański
Grzegorz Uzdański:
was born in 1979. He taught Philosophy and Ethics at the Raszyńska secondary school in Warsaw, and is the author of the website “Nowe wiersze sławnych poetów” [New Poetry from Famous Poets] and of the novel “Wakacje” [Holiday]. He sings and writes lyrics for the band Ryby. He has also written lyrics for the bands EXTRA and Jerz Igor. He performs in the theatre improv group Dobrze and in the comedy trio Wszystko Będzie Dobrze [Everything’s Gonna Be Alright]. He lives in Warsaw.

“Cats on Facebook”

The cat fan pages, windows onto worlds
Of night and silence. Perhaps the echo’s
Touch of dreams. Blurring hunting with sleeping
On a warm stove. Making the blood boil in
A spectral pounce. Purring under the soft
Human touch. The echo of ancient woods,
Of moss, dark on the edges of gorges.
Oh, why on Earth do they, with fur touched by
The sands of Egypt, make me smile so much?
My Facebook wall teems with paw prints. More new
Pics from sister groups: THIS CAT IS CHONKY,
THIS CAT IS BEBBE, THIS CAT IS MAJESTIC.
Angel, should you ever ask “Why the Earth?,”
I would show you these pictures. These furry
Bellies and spiky ears, and the figure-
of-eight-like tail, the very widely
Open eyes, and from between the sharp teeth,
The hilariously pink tongue’s very edge.

This poem is part of the series “New Verse by Once-Famous Poets” and is not an authentic poem by Rainer Maria Rilke.

Continue reading