An incredible, fictional conversation between writer Tomasz Wiśniewski and a young man who has achieved immortality. Apparently, he’s much older than biology and morality would normally allow.
Tomasz Wiśniewski: Could you briefly tell our readers how your road to immortality began?
Well, it all started—as it usually tends to—while reading the classics; Pliny in particular. I’m sure you recall that passage in the Natural History [Naturalis Historia, Book 25, Chapter 5] about a plant which had the power to resurrect the dead?
Of course.
It immediately brought to mind the Apocalypse of Ezra and its shocking image of bleeding trees, heralding the end of days. That’s how I realized that…
I think I see what you’re getting at…
Yes, I realized that blood truly is the juice of life; an essence that not only resurrects, but also prolongs our existence.
May I ask you directly: are you a vampire?
Yes.
Let me tell you that as a human, I’m deeply disturbed by what I’m hearing—but not as a journalist. I think my editorial team will be thrilled… So, do you drink the blood of abducted virgins?
You know, there are many misconceptions about vampirism. Particularly, the distorted notion of the virgins that you mention.
This sounds intriguing… Could you clarify?
The term “virgins” should really be understood as plants that are yet to flower.
Something’s not right here… As a vampire, which blood do you actually drink, and which juice?
Fruit juice. Especially the red ones, of course.
Aha! I was hoping for a scoop, an interview with some mystical lunatic, but all you do is drink juice… Well, I hope they’ll publish this, because if not, I’m finished. Never mind, thanks for the conversation.
Thank you, too, and sorry for the confusion.
Translated from the Polish by Mark Bence
